![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
And You Thought We Liked You
Feb. 17th, 2007
08:59 pm - Vote
Vote This pic a 10
http://www.jonessoda.com/gallery/view.p
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/loved.gif){kind=small}
enthralledDec. 2nd, 2006
12:11 pm - Disney World
I was forced to enter this PLASTIC HELL when I visted Florida and now I don't even want to go anywhere near Orlando and the stinking cesspool that is RATLAND...I will never go back, you can't make me...
Also a word of warning taking acid and riding the We are the World ride is NOT a good idea...Not saying I've done it but I've heard the stories...that's some scary ass shit...Oh and watch out for those costumed characters they'll hump you like a Jack Russell Terrier if you're not careful...
That was very cleansing I feel much better now...never realized I had that much pent up Disney related trauma...
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fullNov. 22nd, 2006
09:23 am - Its Early
The grass is always greener on the other side of the electric fence.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/sleepy.gif){kind=small}
sleepySep. 19th, 2006
08:07 pm - Beer
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The drunk says, 'Are you gonna drink that'?
So much joy and misery from four little letters...
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numbSep. 11th, 2006
07:25 pm - I Love Internet Friends
Some thoughts from some of my favorite people:
Normally I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than go to see a musical - yes, I hate musicals THAT MUCH...Well, now I have to reassess that mind-set...then again, it did take the musical adaptation of a porno to provoke this fundamental shift in my negative feelings about musicals...something to ponder...
Kids are so inquisitive...They actually ask why Thunderstorms happen...Me being the grade 'A' certified asshole that I am told my stepdaughter when she was all of 5 that Thunderstorms happen because God is crying...So, of course she then asked well, why is God crying? To wit I respond (in true asshole fashion), it's because of something you did...and that boys and girls is how you keep the the therapy business going...she'll be working that shit out on the couch for years - I love malleable young minds...
I am truly convinced that after a nuclear war the only thing left will be giant cockroaches that eat SPAM and Twinkies...this image frightens me greatly..
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sickAug. 10th, 2006
07:43 pm - Nick is my Cousin
Nick is 4 and this is what he thinks of you:::::
wfywf7sy7tdsdty9r7a9r7ywa9pryhPTYUIUWRUR
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/silly.gif){kind=small}
crazyJul. 30th, 2006
11:55 pm - Derek Thinks More
comptech6199: PORN
comptech6199: naked porn
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/curious.gif){kind=small}
curious11:40 pm - What Derek Thinks
comptech6199: every day you should update it
lovedJul. 27th, 2006
05:33 pm - Cheddarwurst
My brain. It checked out along with my stomach acid, a string of pearls, twelve paper clips n' a shot of droperidol. God, I'm gonna be sick.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/envious.gif){kind=small}
enviousJul. 26th, 2006
01:29 pm - Yea...
Yesterday sucked most yesterdays do suck but mine sucked more than ever. I hate my dad thats no secret everyone knows he even knows. And you would think if you know that your kid hates you that you either leave them the fuck alone or try to develop the lost relationship. Believe me im not looking to relight some candle that me and my father once had. Because i dont even think we ever had a candle i was more of that child. The child he had to prove that he was walking lifes path correctly. That he wasnt wondering to get something that no one else wanted. I was the kid that he told himself that he wanted because everyone else around him wanted kids and it just seemed like the next normal thing in everyones life. Since he was little everyone probably always told him to grow up, get a job, get married, and ultimately have children. But much to his surprise he got cursed with just one ME. Wait he wasnt really cursed i was. I was born without any choice to a person who wanted a child to keep everyone around him thinking he was normal. I was the thing that gave him acceptance. Unfortunately humans have life spans that consist of more than a few days or even months or years. We are also cursed with the Human Condition (which if you havnt realized only affects us humans, thats why its called the HUMAN condition and not just LIFE). The Human Condition makes us question are existence are meaning and makes us reflect on our lifes. Pretty much without the human condition we would have web-sites like live journal or myspace or vampire freaks or the billion other ones all aimed at us to reflect our lives to others. Thinking that other people might actually read about our boring or fucked up existence and either sympathize or judge. But in the end if we dont agree with them we blame the fact that they dont understand us or they havent experienced half of what we have. That might be the case but pain not matter how many times you have experienced it hurts all the same. It eats at you it cause you to feel like your on fire while surrounded by water. But i believe the worst pain is the pain you cant escape the pain you cant run from the pain that you have to wait till your a certain age until you can burn the bridge. I have experienced pain i know pain and i see pain in others. I tend to stay away from others and people think its because im a "loner" its not like that. Its im really scared that i might crack in front of one of them. Id rather isolated myself from everyone then show my true emotion. If you really know me you know im a strong individual who can pretty much look out for themself. And thats what i want people to know about me. I dont want people to know about the scars the things i have went though and have done. You might be reading this and think yea sure all she wants is pity. But you are wrong im scared i will do something im scared. I need to release the feelings locked up in my head and not worry about how they come out or might sound. I get help and i know that i cant fight myself and others alone. And i dont but i need people to read this and not act. I just want people to understand that i hurt and my pain is real. That i put up with a lot of shit everyday and when i break and crack into a thousand little pieces not to abandon me. Not to leave me and say that you will talk to me when i get better. Because who knows maybe i'll get worse and me now is 'me better'. Im only 16 and people think im older, treat me like im older, tell me things that i shouldnt understand but do. Im a 16 year old that never had a true childhood, one with out worrys, one without being subjected to the many ways life can and will fuck you over. I need to stop hiding but im so good at it. I need to be honest even though lying is easier. I know i have alot to work on, and im working on it. My mind is racing a million miles per second. I started this talking about my hate for my father, and its ending with me saying i have problems. Im not looking for your pity and i really dont want it so dont give it to me. I just wanted to relieve my brain of a little pressure.
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gloomyApr. 6th, 2006
04:29 pm - Tale Of Two Men
There one was a man or shall i say inexperienced boy named Budd. he sat in a small chair and stared at the ceiling with his red blood shot eyes, waiting for the heroin to knock him out. Budd passed out and soon came back to himself after hearing the panic! at the disco cd. That's all it took, all he needed was to hear the lead singers voice to make him come back to his senses. At the time the other man, the constantly wet and slimy, Fish laid in the fetal position waiting for a chance to be with Budd, Air Budd, his furry companion. Fish and Budd were best friends. As Fish laid there he tried to look deeply into Budd's eyes. He thought that he had really made a strong connection because Budd's eyes began to fill with blood. But Fish was naive and did not realize his situation. Fish began to get scared when Budd fell from his small chair. So Fish decided to throw a nice fluffy white pillow at Budd. The pillow hit Budd but had no affect. Then Fish decided to sleep on his sheetless bed. He dreamed of sugar plums and tea bags and hairy goggles. Fish woke in a scream of joy as Budd was hungry and found a snack. Within seconds Fish had emptied his load and Budd wanted to lay down. Budd then asked Fish to seduce him, Fish tried but failed. So Budd tired of watching and having Fish on him decided to take a nap. Once realizing that Budd could not see what he was doing, Fish decided to start doing his hand exercises. He kept doing them slowly increasing the pace in hopes of increasing the load. But to his surprise Budd was beginning to wake. He quickly released and destroyed the evidence. But Budd had seen everything, and felt mistreated by Fish. So Fish consoled and comforted Budd. Budd just could not take any more so he rolled over and fell to sleep again. Fish sat on the bed trying to spoon. But Budd hit him and asked him to leave. Fish would not so he sat on the bed in pain. Then in ran Alyssa with camera in hand to take a picture of the two men. Budd leaped off the bed and out the window to protect his identity because he was, "No Fag". Fish sat in the small chair and lifted his middle finger. One week later an anonymous person dropped off a roll of film at the local Target. The people where never seen or heard from again. We composed this story of the photos that capture what seems to be their last night. I Dedicate This To Fish Budd and the never remembered (only among the towns boys (and surrounding towns)) Alyssa. THE END
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dorkyFeb. 26th, 2006
05:42 pm - hi
ShoppinManiac990 (3:44:44 PM): hi
of head vs heart (3:44:53 PM): hi..
ShoppinManiac990 (3:45:07 PM): how are u?
of head vs heart (3:45:29 PM): im alright.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:45:39 PM): thats good
of head vs heart (3:45:48 PM): yup.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:46:11 PM): i heard u were talking to conan
of head vs heart (3:46:35 PM): apparently so.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:47:17 PM): hes realy bad at quizzes
of head vs heart (3:47:27 PM): oh.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:47:57 PM): he only got a 20 on ur quiz
ShoppinManiac990 (3:48:06 PM): but i got a 100!
of head vs heart (3:48:23 PM): how about that.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:48:36 PM): how about what?
of head vs heart (3:48:46 PM): that.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:48:54 PM): that what?
of head vs heart (3:49:10 PM): that.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:49:17 PM): which is that?
of head vs heart (3:50:35 PM): im sorry youre not intelligent enough to comprehend normal conversation.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:51:45 PM): so neihter is ur quiz then?
ShoppinManiac990 (3:51:55 PM): how come ur other friends failed then?
of head vs heart (3:51:57 PM): nope.
of head vs heart (3:52:05 PM): dont know.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:52:17 PM): find out
of head vs heart (3:52:35 PM): nah.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:53:35 PM): ok!
ShoppinManiac990 (3:55:53 PM): do you play tennis?
of head vs heart (3:56:30 PM): nope.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:56:47 PM): does he play tennis?
of head vs heart (3:57:23 PM): yes.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:57:52 PM): does his borther play tennis?
of head vs heart (3:57:57 PM): nope.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:58:13 PM): why not? is he too cool for tennis?
of head vs heart (3:58:27 PM): guess so.
of head vs heart (3:58:28 PM): later.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:58:43 PM): later
ShoppinManiac990 (3:59:06 PM): ...i know ur not leaving...
of head vs heart (3:59:17 PM): good. as long as that is understood.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:59:35 PM): so why arent u leaving?
of head vs heart (3:59:54 PM): because. i dont really need to leave for any reason.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:00:31 PM): then why did u say later if you are not leaving silly?
of head vs heart (4:00:50 PM): because i am not going to talk to you anymore
ShoppinManiac990 (4:01:16 PM): why are you not going to talk to me anymore?
of head vs heart (4:01:58 PM): because youre like... 12?
ShoppinManiac990 (4:02:36 PM): no because ur like 12
of head vs heart (4:02:45 PM): wow.
of head vs heart (4:02:46 PM): ok, later.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:03:30 PM): are you actually leaving this time? i want to know if i should hold my breath
of head vs heart (4:03:58 PM): yea. hold your breath.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:05:01 PM): can i hold yours too?
of head vs heart (4:05:10 PM): sure?
ShoppinManiac990 (4:05:50 PM): ok send it over
ShoppinManiac990 (4:07:15 PM): waiting
ShoppinManiac990 (4:08:11 PM): any day now
ShoppinManiac990 (4:10:48 PM): i cant hold our breath unless you send yours over
of head vs heart (4:10:57 PM): then just hold yours
ShoppinManiac990 (4:11:12 PM): but u said i could hold yours too
ShoppinManiac990 (4:12:44 PM): you cant take back your word
ShoppinManiac990 (4:12:48 PM): its not fair
of head vs heart (4:13:02 PM): dude, shut up. get lost.
of head vs heart (4:13:09 PM): im blocking you. goodbye.
“of head vs heart” signed off at 4:13:11 PM.
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pensive05:38 pm - kelly ripa
diamond3eyesxX (3:50:40 PM): hi
diamond3eyesxX (3:50:42 PM): i'm kelly ripa.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:51:19 PM): daytiem televison sucks
diamond3eyesxX (3:52:31 PM): your face sucks.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:53:20 PM): so did ur mouth last night, how does regis taste?
diamond3eyesxX (3:53:30 PM): like shit.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:53:58 PM): im glad i found out from someone who knows
diamond3eyesxX (3:54:51 PM): wordd that was stupid.
ShoppinManiac990 (3:55:18 PM): so is sucking the wrong end
diamond3eyesxX (3:56:03 PM): whatt
ShoppinManiac990 (3:56:18 PM): u didnt kno?!
diamond3eyesxX (3:56:37 PM): nahh
ShoppinManiac990 (3:57:19 PM): well regis still likes it, no matter which end
diamond3eyesxX (4:01:20 PM): do you know regis?
diamond3eyesxX (4:01:21 PM): i don't
ShoppinManiac990 (4:01:56 PM): you do a show with him
diamond3eyesxX (4:02:04 PM): no i don't.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:02:16 PM): kelly dont lie to me
diamond3eyesxX (4:02:33 PM): i'm not lying!
diamond3eyesxX (4:02:36 PM): who's kelly?
ShoppinManiac990 (4:03:04 PM): diamond3eyesxX (3:50:40 PM): hi
diamond3eyesxX (3:50:42 PM): i'm kelly ripa.
diamond3eyesxX (4:03:22 PM): i never said that.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:04:24 PM): then who did?
diamond3eyesxX (4:04:31 PM): you must have made it up.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:05:21 PM): yes..i must have made up that you were kelly ripa
ShoppinManiac990 (4:05:33 PM): wait..how do u know he tastes liek shit then?
diamond3eyesxX (4:05:55 PM): i don't know. you must've made that up, too
ShoppinManiac990 (4:06:20 PM): yes, it must be a great conspiracy of mine
diamond3eyesxX (4:06:41 PM): must be
ShoppinManiac990 (4:07:08 PM): so how old are u?
diamond3eyesxX (4:07:13 PM): 103.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:07:36 PM): aww i knew u were 10
diamond3eyesxX (4:07:48 PM): how old are you then?
ShoppinManiac990 (4:07:58 PM): 53
diamond3eyesxX (4:08:02 PM): shitt son.
diamond3eyesxX (4:08:07 PM): you're old.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:08:29 PM): ya older than you
diamond3eyesxX (4:08:38 PM): muchmuchmuch older.
diamond3eyesxX (4:09:18 PM): like. thirty eight years.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:09:26 PM): are u bipolar?
diamond3eyesxX (4:09:40 PM): no
diamond3eyesxX (4:09:53 PM): you're thinking of schitzophrenic
diamond3eyesxX (4:09:56 PM): i'm neither.
diamond3eyesxX (4:10:09 PM): i do have this awful case of sever anxiety
diamond3eyesxX (4:10:18 PM): severe*
ShoppinManiac990 (4:10:19 PM): well there not close at all
ShoppinManiac990 (4:10:27 PM): so not really
ShoppinManiac990 (4:11:29 PM): do snow peas scare you?
diamond3eyesxX (4:11:38 PM): no
diamond3eyesxX (4:11:41 PM): but thunder storms do.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:12:00 PM): does snowballing scare you?
diamond3eyesxX (4:12:08 PM): no.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:12:27 PM): do you like snowballing?
diamond3eyesxX (4:12:44 PM): i don't know.
ShoppinManiac990 (4:13:07 PM): then how do you know if it scares you or not?
diamond3eyesxX (4:13:45 PM): why are you asking such dumb questions
ShoppinManiac990 (4:14:44 PM): how is it a dumb question?
diamond3eyesxX (4:14:58 PM): because it has nothing to do with anything
diamond3eyesxX (4:15:03 PM): and its not even like a conversation starter
ShoppinManiac990 (4:15:43 PM): well i coudl see you having an anxiety attack from snowballing
diamond3eyesxX (4:15:51 PM): oh
diamond3eyesxX (4:15:51 PM): well
diamond3eyesxX (4:15:56 PM): what is snowballing
ShoppinManiac990 (4:16:21 PM): your 15 and you dont know what snowballing is?
diamond3eyesxX (4:17:27 PM): i think i know
diamond3eyesxX (4:17:45 PM): i'm not sure though
ShoppinManiac990 (4:17:59 PM): well what do you think it is?
diamond3eyesxX (4:19:02 PM): i duno
diamond3eyesxX (4:19:03 PM): sounds like something to do with drugs
ShoppinManiac990 (4:19:42 PM): how did u figure that out?
diamond3eyesxX (4:19:55 PM): becausee snow reminds me of cocaine
diamond3eyesxX (4:20:12 PM): and cocaine is obviously a drug
ShoppinManiac990 (4:20:15 PM): you snort snow?
diamond3eyesxX (4:20:22 PM): haha
ShoppinManiac990 (4:20:55 PM): well snowballign has nothing to do with coke, but thats really funn y that u thought that
diamond3eyesxX (4:21:12 PM): why
ShoppinManiac990 (4:21:30 PM): cause it doesnt even deal with drugs
diamond3eyesxX (4:21:34 PM): oh
diamond3eyesxX (4:21:43 PM): word
diamond3eyesxX (4:21:50 PM): are you really a shopping maniac
ShoppinManiac990 (4:21:55 PM): verb
diamond3eyesxX (4:22:00 PM): huh
ShoppinManiac990 (4:22:06 PM): noun
diamond3eyesxX (4:22:11 PM): adjective
ShoppinManiac990 (4:22:27 PM): white
diamond3eyesxX (4:22:47 PM): i don't understand
ShoppinManiac990 (4:23:02 PM): white is an adjective
diamond3eyesxX (4:23:08 PM): yes i know
ShoppinManiac990 (4:23:19 PM): then why dont u understand?
diamond3eyesxX (4:23:26 PM): eh
ShoppinManiac990 (4:23:44 PM): if think you should go snowballing
diamond3eyesxX (4:28:31 PM): word
diamond3eyesxX (4:28:35 PM): i have to go
“diamond3eyesxX” signed off at 4:28:39 PM.
numbFeb. 21st, 2006
05:25 pm - a cute little chat with a stranger(most likely a 5th grader)
of head vs heart (4:45:27 PM): why are you lying to me?
AnnAsalter1 (4:45:58 PM): im lying to you?
of head vs heart (4:46:18 PM): you dont know where yuo got my screen name?
AnnAsalter1 (4:46:24 PM): nope
of head vs heart (4:46:38 PM): k. bye.
AnnAsalter1 (4:46:43 PM): bye!
AnnAsalter1 (4:51:55 PM): ur still there
of head vs heart (4:53:50 PM): yea. but im not talking to you.
of head vs heart (4:53:53 PM): cause i dont know you.
AnnAsalter1 (4:55:27 PM): so your not talkign to me because you dont me?
AnnAsalter1 (4:55:33 PM): *know me
of head vs heart (4:55:50 PM): that is correct.
AnnAsalter1 (4:56:42 PM): so its 100% correct that you are not talking to me because i dont personally know u?
of head vs heart (4:57:00 PM): ..yes?
of head vs heart (4:57:13 PM): youre kind of annoying me, too. so that helps.
AnnAsalter1 (4:57:46 PM): so because u dont know me and im annoying you, u arent talking to me?
of head vs heart (4:58:17 PM): well. im trying not to talk to you.. but you just keep talking.
AnnAsalter1 (4:58:48 PM): but u said you were giving it your 100%, didnt you?
of head vs heart (4:59:01 PM): what is wrong with you?
AnnAsalter1 (4:59:14 PM): In which sense?
of head vs heart (4:59:14 PM): do you not have anything better to do?
of head vs heart (4:59:19 PM): seriously?
AnnAsalter1 (4:59:24 PM): besides what?
of head vs heart (4:59:42 PM): sit here and annoy me with your pointless comments and attempts to talk to me?
AnnAsalter1 (5:01:02 PM): well it seems like u dont have anything better to do than sit there and let me annoy you with my pointless comments and successfully attempt to talk to u
of head vs heart (5:01:19 PM): i guess not.
AnnAsalter1 (5:01:55 PM): so then its only fair that i let you not talk to me, and vice versa
of head vs heart (5:02:19 PM): i would gladly not talk to you if youd just stop typing things.
AnnAsalter1 (5:03:15 PM): and i would glady not let you talk to me if i would just stop typing
of head vs heart (5:03:27 PM): alright. bye.
AnnAsalter1 (5:03:35 PM): bye!
AnnAsalter1 (5:12:48 PM): ur still there silly
of head vs heart (5:13:05 PM): ..
AnnAsalter1 (5:13:39 PM): hey thats the closest uv gotten, dont give up now!
of head vs heart (5:14:05 PM): so where did you get my screen name?
AnnAsalter1 (5:14:47 PM): i dont know
of head vs heart (5:15:16 PM): youre a liar. you just randomly typed my screen name in and i came up?
AnnAsalter1 (5:15:43 PM): nope, it was on my buddly list
AnnAsalter1 (5:15:51 PM): lol
of head vs heart (5:16:03 PM): i wonder why that is.
AnnAsalter1 (5:16:19 PM): ur not alone on that thought
of head vs heart (5:16:32 PM): yet, you keep trying to talk to me..
AnnAsalter1 (5:16:59 PM): no, i keep talking to you
of head vs heart (5:17:12 PM): not anymore. see ya.
AnnAsalter1 (5:17:18 PM): bye!
AnnAsalter1 (5:17:49 PM): (leave this time) just a tip
of head vs heart (5:18:31 PM): (kill yourself) just a tip
AnnAsalter1 (5:18:51 PM): got any good suggestions?(jw)
of head vs heart (5:19:12 PM): other than leaving me alone? no..
of head vs heart (5:19:22 PM): im blocking you now. goodbye.
“of head vs heart” signed off at 5:19:24 PM.
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touchedJun. 27th, 2005
08:34 pm - The Ring of the Phone (read only if uv read Lord of the Flies)(20 year reunion)
Hello, greetings, salutations, welcome. I had started to play my little nervous game of different ways to say one word. Soon the reception would start and I would have to be greeting the guests at the front. Good day! Good morning! Good evening! I wonder how much everyone has changed, would they be surprised to see me, Jack, a pastor? Hi, hi there! Course, I couldn't be the only one who changed their lives completely around. How are you? How do you do? I've always been a passionate man, but now my yearning was for God, not meat. Howdy! How's tricks? Ahoy! Aloha! I'm sure they'll be polite, since it is my church's backyard where the reunion is taking place. Bonjour! Guten tag! Ciao! Now this is getting ridiculous. I need to go find something else to do until they show up. That won't be for several hours, and I can't think of anymore words. Wait...hola!
Right then, as if God was answering my prayer, the phone rang. "Hola, I mean hello," I said hastily, "This is pastor Jack."
I had a feeling it was one of the boys since a fw still hadn't RSVPed. Already I was making a bad impression.
"Hello," said a smooth voice on the other end, "It's Ralph."
"Ralph, how are you? Are you coming?"
"Yes, but to be rather honest, part of your invite confused me."
"How so?"
"Well, the phone number you gave was 1-888-JEZ-LOVE. I wasn't sure who to expect on the other end, especially not you."
"Yes, well I have changed a lot, but all for the better. Anything else I can clear up for you?"
"Ah...well...I've changed too, just so you know. I'm now a vegetarian. So I'll see you at five then?'
"Yes, five it is."
"Can't wait. Bye."
"Good-"
He hung up, before I could even properly say goodbye. Oh well, the mentioning of food reminded me to check on the mulberry muffins I was baking.
*****
I was 4:45 PM, any moment the first guest will be here. Maybe I should have let them bring wives and girlfriends, then again, that would be a bad idea once painful memories returned. All I need is one remark like "where's Piggy" or "roasting Piggy I see" to send this whole party over the deep end. (Which is part of the reason I decided against roasting a pig.) I'm sure that's also what everyone is expecting from me, since I hated the little chap. Ah yes, here comes someone! Now the night will begin.
"Hello, I'm Jack. Frogive me, I'm bad with names."
"I'm Henry. Henry Tipper."
"Well, since you're the first here, could you man the front and pass out name tags? I need to tend the fire and such."
"Um...sure, don't mind if I help myself to this here flask neither," he said as he pulled out a silver bottle from his front coat pocket, "Been a long day."
Trying not to roll my eyes, I went and checked on the main course: roasted goat. With this tasty idea of mine there would be no painful pig puns or silly swine jokes. I also laid out bowls of fruit salad on a table along with cocnuts filled with exotic drinks. Now, thinking of Henry, that might have been a bad idea. For added decoration I put little bowls filled with AUNTIE'S CANDIES, my favorite sweetie.
*****
Finally everyone was here, yet I wasn't getting the reaction I had hoped for. Most of the men just stood around, talking to a few people they knew. Henry was already downing his third coconut. I decided then that we should all take turns to properly introduce ourselves. There was a general agreement so I stood up in the front first.
"Hello everyone! Let's all go in a circle and introduce ourselves. I'm Jack Merridew and I'm the pastor here, at St. Cecilia's, that is."
Next to the front wasa very interestingly dressed man. He had bleached blonde hair wiht highlights of purple, sparkling hot pants, and a white tee. I noticed an uncomfortable feeling spread across the room.
"Hell-oh! What a spiffy event to be at, huh? Well anyway, hi i'm Maurice, but I go by Maureen now. And I'm a fashion designer for Libby Lu."
Then came two men, both with light brown hair and a medium build. I could tell right away it was Sam and Eric.
"Hi, I'm Sam and-"
"-I'm Eric. We both-"
"-are professional models for-"
"-Abercrombie and-"
"-Fitch."
After them came a gloomy looking man, it was if the second he stepped up the room took a solemn mood. With dark hair, an unshaven face, and a black trench coat, he looked like the Grim Reaper. This idea suited him well, for he was the one who had taken a human soul with a mighty rock, faster than Mighty Mouse. He began in a sarcastic tone.
"Wow, ain't it just great to see how some of our boys turned up," he sniggered. "Just in case any of yer forget me, I'm Roger. An' i works at the Tower of London as 'eh tour guide."
Honestly it didn't surprise me, seemed like a place where he belonged. But then I overheard Sam whisper to Eric, "I wish he would stop playing with the toothpicks." The hairs on the back of my neck started to move, though turning around, I found out it was only Maureen blowing on my neck.
"Maurice sorry, Maureen how did you realize you were gay?"
"Honey, after being on an island for 9 months with painted naked boys, you can find a lot out about yourself."
Awkwardly moving to the side, Ralph came up to the platform.
"Good afternoon, I'm Ralph Cleese, I'm sure you remember me. And if not from the island, than at least from my political office. Yes, I am the minister of the Ministry of Silly Walks."
He did a slight bow and then let Bill come up and talk.
"Hi. I'm Bill. Don't have a job. I live wit my mum. It not my fault really. Its just that I've developed a bad phobia of planes and large bodies of water. I can't really go places much, wiht my wanephobia (water and plane) and all that."
"Okay everyone, we'll have one more person go and then let's eat," I said thinking of the goat, "Remember, all that smells well, tastes well, and is well!"
Ensuing my comment, a quite ugly little man came up to the front.
"Hi-ya everybody! It's me Percival Wemys Madison. It's a pleasure to be back home since I live in the States now. Yup, I'm a real estate agent in the Midwest. I'm also a co-founder of BuyOwner. Believe me, even suburbia is a gold mine over there. Nice seeing all of you again, too bad i couldn't bring my pretty wife. Ya know she really can-"
"-thanks Percival, but we'd like to be able to eat our food."
"Sorry."
"No harm done, yet. Anyway the goat is done, so let's form a line and dig in!"
*****
Everyone had finally settled down and was sitting at the tables. Since I was the last to get food, I was, more or less, stuck wiht the 'rejects' from the other tables. I had Henry, who was mumbling something about an orange sheet of paper and Polly Pocket. There was Roger, who was gnawing on his shish kebab or rather the skewer. Next to him was a greasy looking man, who said his name was Johnny. I was feeling very uncomfortable when all of a sudden I heard something.
It was a police siren. I could tell since there were also red and blue lights. I didn't think they were going to my church until I saw them come up the pink granite driveway. That second Johnny bolted up from the table, spilling Henry's drink everywhere. He was out of sight before I could even ask what was going on.
A whole squad came running to the back, yelling, "This is a raid, no one move!" We all put our hands up in amazement wondering what on earth was going on. Then the chief came up behind me.
"Your Pastor Merridew?"
"Yes," I said turning around.
"We have a reason to belive you are dealing smack."
"Smack? I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you're talking about."
"Now don't be a wise guy with me. Ya know, smack, dope. weed?"
"I have no such thing and I don't deal anything of the sort!"
"Really? Then what are those?"
He then pointed a mulberry muffin on the table.
"It's just a muffin!"
"A special muffin?"
Then he grabbed the muffin, tasted it, and then threw it into the fire pit.
"No! I'm not a drug dealer you stupid copper! If you're looking for someone, go after that Johnny fellow!"
"So you admit you know him?"
"This is a church! A CHURCH! I'M A PASTOR NOT A NARCOTIC'S DEALER!"
"All right sir you're yelling now, c'mon boys lets take him in. All of you, go home now or you're all going to be making cell boyfriends very soon!"
"C'mon Merridew, the party is over."
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/working.gif){kind=small}
accomplishedJun. 22nd, 2005
03:50 pm - a nice little chat with my ex friend nikki(jaber7908), enjoy!
me:boo
jaber7908:go fuck ur self
me:too late
jaber7908:i know you like masturbating w/ pencils
me:do u>
hav u seen me do that nikki
a fantasy of yours?
jaber7908:oh ya last night gay bitch
me:hey w/e works for u
jaber7908:how did you get my screename
??
watever have fun fucking stephanie
~the end~
amusedJun. 13th, 2005
10:10 pm - genocideness
Do feel irritable?
Ever feel the need to mass murder the minority?
Do you feel yourself quoting Hitler or Stalin?
Well unless your a used car salesman, you have Genocideness.
But there is a cure...Louis XVI!
So if you want to prevent a Mussolini kind of ending, ask your doctor about Louis XVI today!
(side effects include assassination or suicide, this drug is not recommend for those who have weak bladders or heart problems)
chipperApr. 29th, 2005
10:54 pm - Bob Evans
One by one they all fell down like dominos, each thud more sickening than the next. Famine had hit the nation of Bodhi hard. Little Gabby knew something was wrong when her mother stop buying Fruit Throwups. It was then, while watching the TV for the last time(her dad later sold it), that she was the commercial...Bob Evans. She was so astounded by the miracle of microwave sausage that she decided to do something about this hunger business. "Goddamnit!!," she yelled, "If Bob Evan can make little shriveled brown sausages taste good, he must know that answer to everything!" So she packed her bags and caught the nearest train to T-Bone. While on the train(o tren en espanol) she met a lovely bell boy named Domino Don. Wearing a bright red suite and a little red cap Double D(his nickname) use to entertain her for hours singing "This is the song that never Ends." Then, on the third day of the trip, Latte, who sat in the same coach, got so annoyed that one night she killed Gabby and Don by beating them to death with her ex-husband's(who had mysteriously disappeared) jewels, which she kept in an air tight pouch. To get rid of the bodies she cut them up into pieces and hid them delicately in her suitcases. When the train arrived at T-Bone she immediately went straight to work. Walking straight into the factory, she knew where to put the bodies, she had done it before. ...But then all of a sudden for 3 hours the 3rd person perspective could not longer be omniscient... Then after she had finished, both of her victims had turned into Bob Evans microwaveable sausage. The sausage were shipped back to Bodhi, to Gabby's home country.
Moral of the story-> MICROWAVEABLE SAUSAGES ARE NASTY, WE HAVE NOT IDEA WHAT IS REALLY IN THEM, SO IN THE GODDAMN NAME OF GABBY, JUST SAY NO!
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/okay.gif){kind=small}
okayFeb. 12th, 2005
12:10 am - Water on the Ruins
It is I, Neptune, god of the water, brother of Zeus, loard of the sea, here to tel of a certain mortal youth. He is called Girliekus and lives on the outer islnd of baileyous, where the Baileons live off the sea and its power. The Baileons, unit recently, were a peaceful people, but then the Suges came. they attacked the islnd leaving ony the children and elders to fend for themselves. I, taking favor to Girliekus and his compainions, put the idea into their heads to go on a trip to unknown lands before the attack happened. Let us go check on their journey.
Now I am becoming irritated at him and his friends for htey keep singing a very valor song. To punish them I shall make them all have to pee badly, but so that even when they urinate they will still have to go. I will do this for an hour, since that's how long they have been singing hat horrible song. Well now that I think about it, i should probably also go relieve myself. that is what I get for drinking so much wine and nectar all the time.
I am being moved to tears of laughter watching them now. it is getting so bad that the steersman has giving up on steering, thus leaving the boat to steer on its own, to pee over the sid eof the boat. i believe it is best now to stop that misery and instead send them a terrible rain, for I heard girlirkus curse my name. this will show all the mortals that I have much power over them. Let them think twice about cursing my name out loud for ll to hear.
having learned theri lesson, the baileons have been more thoughtful of my majesty. While they were drinking their favorire drink, black cherry wine, they remembered to pray, thanking me. I, taking pity on them, sent a great wind, which sentthem toward the beautiful island of corkyus. There they landed and rested their bones until morning. When they awoke, a few men were sent to go find out it people inhabited the island.
After searching the island for people, and finding none, they hunted down a wild boar for hte men to eat. Then they sacrificed the hog to me, asking for my forgiveness. feeling bored watching them, I decided to make things more interesting. I had noticed earlier that girliekus had a bad habit of picking on the youngest baileon, Kaspurran. to torture Girliekus for his cruelty, i cursed him so that every time that he drinks balck cherry wine he will couch and chike on it. I shall like to watch how he deals with not being able to his favorite wine.
yet today, while I as watching him, I noticed something extraordinary. When he was still in his outh, he had unbelieved streght compared to his peers. I saw him take a 50 lb. sack of barley and carry it off the boat with ease. Since he did more than his fair share fo work, I rewarded him power to never get thirsty from labor, no matter how many hours he worked in the fields. Now I will let the mortals rest with ease until morning.
Once Girliekus arose to make breakfast, I decided to send him a deer. Instead of waking the others to share the meat, after he killed the stag, he greedily ate it all himdelf without even thanking me. The he ran quickly bakc to where all the other men where, so that they would not be wondering where he went. I , being enraged by this, decided to give him a horrible gas for hte rest of the morning. I don't believe I will be letting them stay at this island much longer, they must know what has happened to their families.
I can tell the men are getting restless, so soon I shall give them the idea to return home. they have started fighting with each other, and girliekus is bossing Kaspurran around even more so. I am temted to rid them of Girliekus but I know they still need his leadership. So now that it is night I shall come to him in a dream and urge him on his way home. I am telling strong Girliekus that if he doesn't heed m advice and leave tomorrow, a horrible doom will come to him and his companions.
Early the next morning, when girliekus nd the crew woke up, he held a meeting. He told them of his dream, where I, Neptune, came before him and predicted their doom if they didn't leave fast for thier homeland. After much discussion it was decided that most of the men wanted to return to Baileyous. While they were packing up I decided to test thier strive for going home. I had the lovely sea nymph, bellea, appear before each man one at a time while they were alone. Each time she tried to use her body to seduce them into staying on the island to lay with her. each time they prayed to me for strenght, and then they dismissed her. tha is until she came before Girliekus, and make him promise to stay with her.
Girliekus took the nymp[h, bellea, andmde love to her. But then deciding to trick her, asked her if he could say good-bye to his friends before they left. She agreed, not think a mortal would be so bold as to break any promises. soon as he was out of her sight and next to his compains, he joined them on the ship and sailed away from the island. I, seeing such treachery, was about to create a hurrincane as to kill them all, when Bellea reminded me that the other men did not deserve my wrath.
It was them that I created in my mind punishment so horrible, that he would not die from it, yet would duffer his whole life because of it. I would curse him with a weak prostat, so that at any given monment he might hace to urinate. Now he will livehis life with a poor bladder, and cranberry juice as his only aid. It was not until late on their way home, though, he noticed that even a slight emotion or movement would cause him to urinate. Yet, he kept up hope for he was still anxious on seeing his homeland and loved ones.
Seeing a sight of land, the men began rejoicing for they knew there would be a feast in their honor. Soon as they saw hte destruction of their homes, and the corpsees of their friends and fathers, they were moved to tears. they grieved even more when theyfound the starved bodies of their siblings and grandparents. I felt such sorrow for them that I let one women live, that their race could continue. After they found her, and she told them of the horrible events that occured they decided to give he dead their funeral rites.
Since there were so many bodies they all had to be burned in large piles. htey mourned for their lost loved ones the rest of their lives. girliekus, because of his bravery, was chosen as their leader. Still not telling them his curse, he appointed Kaspurran instead, for he knew his bladder would overwhelm him. I believe the small race of Baileons are now off for a beeter start, so I will leave them alone to find other mortals to toy with.
accomplishedFeb. 11th, 2005
11:45 pm - tres unfamous quotes
tyler- "yes that the whole reason since you're more pretty than lauren, steph will get more guy attention"
Murphy O'Malley- "i went to the zoo, i went to the zoo, the monkeys look like you (repeat). i went to your house, i went to your house, you scare me like a mouse (repeat). i went to the mall, i went to the mall, and there i found a ball, a ball of fire (Repeat twice)."
Molly- "foood...its everywhere...foood....its behind you....foooood it has calories....foood it has saturated fat...foood its in your tummy...foood...its on your chair....foood....its on your mountain dew shirt.....fooood....its in your hair....fooodits your only friend.....fooood....your bunny choked on it...foood...your fat dogs eat it besides each other....fooood....i spelled it wrong...foood..makes you fat! yay! u whale! u beached whale! you whale of a tail! moby dick! moby dick! MOBY DICK!!!!!! GO EAT KRILE YOU WHALE!! YOUR AN OVER BAKED COMPLETLY OVER COOKED PIE! or soup."
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